From Pain to Passion to Purpose
Coping with a loved one's addiction is one of the most painful experiences one can endure. The constant worry, sleepless nights, confrontations, financial strain, marital conflicts, and overall uncertainty become part of daily life.
I have faced numerous challenges in my life, addiction being one of them, which has been a recurring theme since childhood. My father was in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, and my mother, who also drank, likely struggled with alcoholism. From a young age, I used alcohol to cope with stress. It was effective until it was not. Eventually, I had to confront my own alcoholism, which at the time, seemed a tremendous obstacle to conquer.
However, none of these challenges were as daunting as dealing with the addiction of a loved one. I witnessed someone very young and very dear to me battling a severe substance disorder. As they struggled intensely, I found myself struggling as well, trying to function in the various areas of my life. Despite the difficulties, I channeled my energy and brainpower into assisting my loved one, prioritizing their well-being above all else. My course of action was not different from many others I have met on this journey. It involved multiple residential stays, psychiatric supports, encounters with the law, countless mental health professionals, AA meetings, school meetings, and the list can go on. Life could also not stop because of this, and though I may not have excelled at work and some household tasks may have been neglected, I persevered, holding things together.
Three years ago, I escorted my loved one to their first residential treatment facility across the country. On the eve of his treatment, we faced a terrifying ordeal when he went missing briefly, only to be found unconscious and subsequently hospitalized. The following day, my 50th birthday, he entered treatment. He relapsed immediately following his recommended discharge home, which became a familiar cycle.
As my loved one began to stabilize and show signs of progress, functioning became easier. The support I received from both professionals and an amazing group of parents on a support group helped me to recognize that I was not alone and that there was hope. The pain was still very real, and I felt a strong desire to help others grappling with their loved ones' addictions and make life just a little nicer for the young people I met in my loved one’s sober living.
In life, decisions and circumstances are sometimes accidental and sometimes purposeful. I made a conscious decision that helping others dealing with addiction would become the focus of my next phase of life.
I already had a demanding career in my chosen field of education. However, at 52 years old, I discovered my next and most important purpose. While I know I can't spare young people and their families the pain of addiction, I am committed to easing their suffering, nurturing their passions, and guiding young people toward their unique life purposes.
Since co-founding Woodhaven Recovery eight months ago, life has presented surreal moments, one of which occurred last week. Just a week after my 53rd birthday, Mike and I had the privilege of meeting with the leadership team from the most renowned and oldest rehab in the country. We shared our passion, purpose, and program with great enthusiasm, and our vision was well received by these extraordinary experts.
Bill Wilson, one of the co-founders of AA, wrote, “Regardless of worldly success or failure, regardless of pain or joy, regardless of sickness or health or even of death itself, a new life of endless possibilities can be lived if we are willing to continue our awakening, through the practice of A.A.'s Twelve Steps.”
This is coming true in my life. From the darkness of generational addiction, I have awoken and have found the endless possibilities that can exist for others within Woodhaven Recovery. Our high school students at Woodhaven Academy were asked to write about this last week. One of their responses to my question demonstrates that with support and guidance, young people who have struggled with their substance use disorder and have found recovery with the support of their family and a strong program can recognize these possibilities and work to achieve a meaningful life.
His writing response to this passage and the question “What wild dream do you have?” was “To drive around looking at buildings and being able to say I designed that. Being happy with a family and raising kids. Being in a meeting at Cov (Covenant Monday night AA meeting) with everyone from Mulberry when we’re all old and have 30 years sober and share with newcomers.”
The twelfth step in Alanon and similarly in Alcoholics Anonymous states: "Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs." Mike, Mark, and I have come to understand that by using our experience, strength, and hope to create enhanced opportunities for young people and their families, we not only help them but also begin to heal ourselves, channeling our pain into passion and purpose.
