Redefining Home

Redefining Home

When your teen is in recovery, the word "home" takes on meanings you never imagined — no longer just a place of comfort, but a symbol of change, growth, and acceptance. It's meant to evoke warmth, security, and the comfort of family gathered around a dinner table. But for families navigating adolescent recovery, this simple four-letter word can sometimes feel like a double-edged sword, cutting through our expectations and challenging our deepest hopes.

I remember vividly the day my loved one told me he wasn't ready to come home. We had been driving back to his sober living facility after what I thought would be a trial weekend for his eventual return home. The weekend had been deliberately low-key – no packed schedule, just the natural rhythm of family life. In my mind, I had already started planning where I would place his favorite snacks in the pantry. I was mapping out how we would coordinate school schedules, therapy appointments, AA meetings, and daily life together again.

But sometimes growth means hearing truths that challenge our carefully laid plans. Not even out of our town, he turned to me and said he had changed his mind. My hands tightened on the steering wheel as my heart caught in my throat. I forced myself to listen rather than react. With a maturity that both filled me with pride and ached in my chest, he explained how his sobriety felt more secure in his sober living environment. The daily structure, the community of peers who understood his struggles firsthand, and the distance from old triggers – these were the scaffolding his recovery needed right now.

That moment marked a significant shift in my perspective, one that opened my eyes to the fact that recovery is not a one-size-fits-all journey. His insight, along with my experience with others in recovery, helped me understand that each teen's path to sobriety looks different. Some find their strength in the familiar routines of home with therapeutic and community support. Others discover their footing in collegiate recovery housing, and many, like my loved one, find strength in sober living communities.

As parents, we often equate having our teens under our roof with keeping them safe. Yet facing the reality that we can't always protect our children is perhaps the hardest truth of addiction. Despite our curfews, watchful eyes, and desperate prayers, I had to admit that our home – the very place that should have been his safe haven – couldn’t shield him from the devastating pull of addiction that had nearly taken his life more than once. That recognition, painful as it was, brought us to residential living.

Watching this journey unfold in my own family, his decision to stay in sober living became a turning point in my understanding of what "home" means during recovery. It wasn't easy when he first started referring to his sober living house as "home." Each time he said it, I felt a small pang in my heart. Wasn't our house supposed to be home? The place where he grew up, where his childhood memories lived in every corner?

But recovery has taught me that home isn't just about a physical space – it's about where we feel most supported in becoming our authentic selves.

Today, I understand that my loved one can have multiple places that feel like home. His sober community provides the structured support his recovery needs, while our family home remains a place of unconditional love and acceptance. Our relationship has evolved to find beauty in this new normal. When we visit now, our time together feels more intentional, more precious. We can focus on truly being present with each other rather than getting caught up in the daily stresses that sometimes came with living under the same roof.

At first, it felt like losing him in some way, but over time, I learned that my role was no longer to protect him from everything, but to support his journey toward a stronger, healthier self. The journey of recovery often asks us to redefine words we thought we understood. "Home" no longer means just one place or one way of being together. Instead, it has expanded to encompass all the spaces where growth, healing, and love can flourish. Sometimes, that means finding home in unexpected places, or recognizing that home can be wherever our loved ones feel most supported in their recovery journey.

It is both hard and comforting to watch our children find "home" in places other than with us. There are still moments when grief sneaks up on me – thoughts of lost time and missed daily moments together can bring an ache to my heart. But I've learned that these feelings of loss are far preferable to the alternative. His sobriety must come first—after all, his addiction almost cost him his life multiple times. By accepting and supporting his needs, we’re helping create something even more precious – a foundation of trust and understanding that strengthens our bonds, even across physical distance.

Through this journey of redefinition and acceptance, I've learned that home lies not in any particular living situation, but in the strength and resilience our teens demonstrate on their recovery journey.