The Serenity Prayer: A Guide for Life and Recovery
The Serenity Prayer has been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. My father taught it to me when I was very young; it was the first prayer I ever knew. While it’s often associated with the recovery community, I’ve found its message to be universal. Whether we’re navigating addiction, relationships, work, or simply the day-to-day struggles of life, its wisdom offers something we can all benefit from.
Here is the prayer:
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.”
Accepting the Things I Cannot Change
Perhaps the hardest part of the Serenity Prayer—and life itself—is accepting the things we cannot change. As someone who is admittedly a bit of a control freak (my family jokingly says there are two ways to do things: Mom’s way and the wrong way), this has always been a struggle for me. I want to fix things, solve problems, protect my family, and keep everything on track. But there are so many aspects of life, especially regarding addiction, that are simply beyond our control.
Raising my loved one through his addiction was one of the most humbling experiences of my life. I had to confront the painful reality that I couldn’t control his choices, recovery, or setbacks. No amount of love, logic, or effort could change those things. Addiction is a disease that disregards our plans and desires.
What I could do, though, was control how I reacted. I could offer support, provide resources, and create a safe space, but I couldn’t fight his battles for him. Accepting that his recovery journey was his own was excruciating, but it was necessary. Acceptance didn’t mean giving up; it meant recognizing where my influence ended and his path began.
Courage to Change the Things I Can
When it came to my loved one, finding the courage to change the things I could was never hard. If there was something I could do, I did it without hesitation. Advocating for him wasn’t about courage—it was instinct. It’s something I would do over and over, without thinking twice. But when it came to myself? That was another story entirely.
In my own struggles with addiction, alcohol was my way of coping—my method of navigating life. It took time to admit that what had once “worked” for me was no longer serving me. Even after I realized that, summoning the courage to change my patterns took even longer. Alcohol had become my escape from the chaos of life, and the thought of facing everything without it felt overwhelming.
Finding the courage to change was exactly what I needed. Recovery wasn’t just about stopping drinking; it was about rebuilding my life in a way that felt whole and authentic. I had to learn new ways to manage stress, face my emotions head-on without running from them, and navigate life’s challenges without avoiding my feelings.
Wisdom to Know the Difference
This is the part of the prayer I lean on the most, and it requires ongoing effort. There are times when I feel completely overwhelmed by a situation. Before I dive in to “fix” it, I pause. Quietly, I say the Serenity Prayer in my head and ask myself: “Is this something I can control, or something I need to accept?” It’s not easy to stay in my lane, especially when the stakes feel high, but knowing which lane is mine and which isn’t is crucial to both my peace and my effectiveness.
There are battles that aren’t mine to fight, and problems that aren’t mine to solve—which I often remind myself of. The wisdom to know the difference is also about timing. Not every problem needs to be tackled at once. I’ve learned to prioritize what needs action now and what can wait. There will always be a long list of problems, but not all of them are for today.
Sometimes, the things I thought were urgent don’t need solving at all. Occasionally, problems resolve on their own, independent of my actions. Pausing, taking a step back, and asking myself if this is the right time or the right problem to tackle has made all the difference in how I approach my daily life.
For Families on Their Own Journey
I hope that families who are new to this complex world of addiction and recovery can internalize this prayer. It’s not a magic solution, but it offers a moment of pause in a world that often feels chaotic. It gives us the chance to stop, reflect, and choose our next step carefully. Whether it’s something we need to accept for the moment or something we need to act on, the Serenity Prayer provides a framework for moving forward.
There will be countless battles along the way, and we can’t fight them all at once. Sometimes, we have to accept that certain fights are for the future and choose the most pressing ones now. This prayer helps me discern which is which.
When designing Woodhaven, we wanted something meaningful for our foyer that would resonate with our approach. Mike suggested the Serenity Prayer, and we agreed that it perfectly captured the message we wanted to convey in that central area. As with many aspects of Woodhaven, we built upon this great idea through collaboration, incorporating the poem alongside a beautiful photo I took of the sunrise over the mountains at Woodhaven. This display serves as a heartfelt reminder to our residents, their families, and all our guests that the wisdom within these words is crucial for our continued growth. It emphasizes that no matter how challenging life may become, we can draw strength from this guidance to navigate our difficulties.
I’ve recited this prayer countless times through my loved one’s addiction, through my own struggles, and through the everyday challenges of life. It’s a tool, a comfort, and a guide. And I hope it offers the same clarity and solace to others as they walk their own paths.
