Trusting My Daughter As I Bring Her to A Party School In A Party Town
As I sit beside my daughter on a plane, she glances at the title of my latest piece and asks what I’m working on. I explain that it’s about the challenges of parenting her through her college years and her relationship with alcohol. She responds with a knowing smile, noting that every school seems to be a “party school,” a sentiment that resonates deeply given her experience at one of the country’s most iconic party schools, nestled in a city known for its vibrant celebrations and social scene. I’m relieved that there’s no eye-rolling; instead, she seems to appreciate my attempt to understand her world without the usual lecture about her genetic risk for addiction.
At nearly 19, guiding her through the complexities of alcohol use has been a challenging journey. My husband and I have had different views on this issue. I leaned towards a strict no-alcohol policy, believing that keeping it off-limits would be the most effective way to prevent potential problems. My husband, on the other hand, supported a more nuanced approach, thinking that controlled exposure might reduce the allure and make alcohol less of a forbidden fruit.
As time has passed, I’ve realized that my own experiences with alcohol don’t necessarily provide the best framework for guiding her. My understanding, shaped by personal history and biases, needed to evolve. I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that some aspects of her journey are beyond our control.
Our conversations now center on her experiences with alcohol. I know only what she chooses to share and what I can glean from overheard snippets and observations. This dynamic can be unsettling. Despite my repeated reminders about her genetic predisposition to addiction, I can’t shake my anxiety about her life in a city where the drinking culture is as intrinsic to the environment as its renowned festivals and lively streets.
Yet, I am reminded of her strengths. She is self-aware, knowledgeable, and resilient—qualities that help her navigate the pressures of her environment. These attributes offer me hope and reassurance that she is equipped to handle the challenges she faces.
In this context, where the legal drinking age feels more like a guideline than a strict rule, I’m faced with the reality that the age limit only dictates where rather than what or how much she drinks. This reality has deepened my unease. I must trust that she is capable of managing her relationship with alcohol responsibly and hope that if she needs support, she will seek it out. I also hope she will develop a healthy relationship with alcohol, similar to the one her father has cultivated.
As I prepare to leave her in a city renowned for its culture and spirited celebrations, I am filled with both unease and hope. I trust that she will make thoughtful choices and continue to grow into the remarkable woman I know she can become. This stage of parenting, marked by uncertainty and hope, requires me to believe in her resilience and the lessons she has learned. With this trust, I am hopeful that her path will lead to a successful and fulfilling future.
