Embracing The Eye Rolls

Parenting a teenager is often a rollercoaster of emotions—challenging, exhausting, and sometimes overwhelming. Add addiction into the mix, and the difficulties intensify. For many of us, navigating both adolescence and addiction has become a daily test of resilience, pushing our patience, strength, and emotional endurance.

When our teens begin their recovery journey, it can be difficult not to view their every action through the lens of addiction. We spend so much time learning about the disease, attending support groups, and relying on professionals for guidance that we sometimes forget that not every bump in the road is a relapse. As one friend recently shared, "Everything started looking like addiction." In our heightened state of awareness, we find ourselves dissecting every word they say, every mood swing, and every behavioral shift—always on edge, wondering if these are warning signs.

I have two friends who have shared their own stories of raising teenagers in recovery, and their insights are something many of us can relate to. One friend describes the early days with her son, saying that she constantly second-guessed his every action. Was this a sign he was using again? Should she intervene? Should she drug test him? The worry was relentless, with her mind always racing toward the possibility of relapse. Then, one day, she had a realization. "Sometimes," she told me, "I need to realize that he’s just a teenager, and teenagers can be... jerks." (Okay, she didn’t use that exact word, but you get the idea!)

She is right. Teenagers are at a developmental stage where they’re testing boundaries, figuring out who they are, and striving for independence. They challenge us, test limits, and yes, roll their eyes and talk back. While these behaviors may set off alarm bells for parents of teens in recovery, it’s essential to remember that some of this is just typical teenage behavior. Our kids are in the process of becoming adults, trying to assert their independence while still needing our guidance. It’s a confusing time for both them and us.

Another friend shared a recent experience with her son, who has overcome many challenges and has a significant amount of sober time. He’s put in a great deal of work and, by all accounts, is thriving. He’s responsible, mature, and often seems much older than his years.

But recently, there were some moments when his usual respectful demeanor was replaced with a bit of attitude and irritability. Immediately, her mind went to the worst-case scenario: Was he slipping? Was this a sign of relapse?

When we talked, we couldn’t help but chuckle at how easy it is to overlook the fact that, despite his maturity, he’s still just a teenager. Expectations can sometimes be higher because he has demonstrated such growth and responsibility. However, he’s still navigating the unpredictable world of adolescence. His recent behavior—marked by a snappy attitude and irritability—felt out of character, triggering her immediate fears of relapse.

It’s a difficult mindset to shake after experiencing the ups and downs of addiction, where even minor mood shifts can seem like warning signs. Yet, as the conversation continued, she recognized that this behavior was simply part of his teenage experience rather than an indication that he was slipping. This realization brought her much-needed peace, helping her remember that not every difficult day signals a potential relapse. She reminded herself to view these situations for what they truly are—frustrating teenage behaviors—rather than misinterpreting them as warning signs of relapse.

While some behavior is typical teenage stuff, it’s crucial to remain vigilant. Sometimes, we do need to act on warning signs and reach out for professional support to intervene early and prevent relapse.

We will always carry the fear that our children could return to using. That fear is a constant companion for parents navigating the delicate balance of addiction recovery. But it’s important to remind ourselves that not every grumpy day, every eye roll, or every sigh is a red flag. Sometimes, these are just signs that our teens are growing up, navigating the emotional and social complexities of adolescence.

And, in a way, those behaviors are something to celebrate. The road to recovery is long, and there will always be bumps along the way. But as we face these challenges, it’s essential to remember that typical teenage behavior—while frustrating—can be a beautiful sign of progress. It means they’re growing, maturing, and becoming the independent adults we’ve always hoped they’d become.

Bring on the eye rolls and a little grumpiness—I will celebrate them as beautiful signs of growth and independence!